My head felt like it was exploding. I felt myself hurl, spewing digestive fluids across my body. I tried to push myself up, finding that I couldn’t feel anything on my left side. I threw up again, letting out a groan. My ears were ringing. I couldn’t tell if the liquid dribbling down my face was blood or bile.

I opened my eyes, being blinded by a beautiful star of skies burning themselves into my vision. The stars sang in my ears, singing their piercing song.

I wondered if this was how her victims felt in their final moments, suffering, screaming out for release. I silently welcomed the darkness that I saw creeping into the edges of my vision.

My body was moving now, hands grabbing my body. Pyr? I welcomed her embrace, my tears now mixing into the horrible mixture of my body’s inner fluids. I smiled as the last star in her vision burned out.

The world was dark, for a while. I couldn’t tell where I was, but I heard people speaking. I couldn’t make out the words, their words drowned out by the remnants of the star’s song.

All at once, the sky lit up again. The stars were screaming now, their song turning discordant and painful. They hated me. I couldn’t move, my body felt stuck.

I was nothing more than meat to be processed now. Warm blood flooded out of my body, as I felt metal stab into me, cutting me open. I was being split open, as I felt things dig into me, ripping out pieces while continuing to pierce my skin. This was hell, I thought as pain howled through my mind. I could taste iron, blood and spit blooding my throat until I felt like I was drowning.

My mistakes had caught up to me all at once, and I was being punished. I couldn’t feel the warm embrace of Pyr anymore, replaced by cold metal digging through my flesh, taking pieces of the Moonrise from me. I sobbed at the loss, trying to struggle against the prodding and stabbing.

Something stabbed itself into my neck, and the world melted away again.

===

I wasn’t dead. I could feel every little cut in my body. The splitting feeling in my head persisted, but it felt as if I couldn’t understand the pain anymore. My bones ached, and I could hear the voices clearly now. I could tell that I had a concussion, and more than likely some broken bones.

“State your name, pilot.”

Interrogation. They were interrogating me. The stars screamed at me to answer, every muscle burned as I fought the urge. “Ff. Fuck you.” My throat burned as I spoke the words, as if I were swallowing molten rock. I felt a hand slap me, the impact knocking my brain around. My cheek stung, the lingering pain drilling into my soul.

“What is your machine’s name, pilot?”

Imperials. They had to know my machine’s name, they’d said it before. The scars on my body felt like they were stabbing into me, begging me to answer the question. It couldn’t hurt to give them the name, if only to give myself a little relief. “Moonrise.” The words slipped out easily, as my body stopped yelling at me. A moment to breathe.

“State your name.”

I grit my teeth, holding back the words that so desperately wanted to spill forth. All at once my body was wracked with pain. Answer the question. I clenched my fist, noticing that my left forearm was missing. Every inch of my body was screaming out in pain, begging for mercy. Answer the question. What could they do with my name? Was it worse than this? It felt like I was suffocating, every second I held back the answer sending me closer to the edge of a cliff.

“Elara Callisto.”

===

At first, I had tried counting the seconds, the minutes, the hours. I couldn’t sleep. They had thrown me into a concrete room, a sheet of fabric was laid out in the corner, presumably my bed. A small toilet sat on the other end of the room. My body still ached, every beat of my heart pounded through my skull.

They had taken what remained of my old arms, slotting in horrible skin-tone ones, and locking them on. I wanted to rip them off my body, their horrible human look reminding me of the arms I had burned long ago. I couldn’t chew through the metal, but I had managed to scratch up the coating enough to where I could see the steel below. The sight comforted me a little, as I spent what felt like an endless amount of time peeling away the skin.

I had tried to break through the door to the room, looking for any imperfection in its design, I couldn’t even leave a scratch. I couldn’t tell how long it had been since they put her in here, but they slid in a tray with water and what looked like rice with meat. Initially, I had put it in the farthest corner from me, refusing to eat their food. What felt like years passed as they slid in another tray, and eventually another. Every moment that passed, the smell of the food filled the room. The scent filled my nose, and I felt like I was going mad with hunger.

After the fourth tray was slid in, I cracked. The meals didn’t taste right to me, something had been added to them. Drugs. Every bite I took felt like a betrayal of my ideals. The cold meat, despite the odd aftertaste, still felt like the best meal I had ever eaten. I drank the water all at once, realizing how thirsty I had been. Unconsciously, I reached out to offer a bite to Pyralis, before remembering that she wasn’t here.

I missed my arm, I wanted to check if she was alive. I needed to see she was okay. Was she here with me? Somewhere? I screamed out her name, not sure whether to hope that she would respond.

Eventually the lack of sleep catches up, and I pass out. I can’t tell how long it’s been, having passed out and woken up to a few more trays by the door. The days pass, my headache eventually clearing up. The cuts across my body heal, leaving little scars. At some point I try screaming at the door, begging to be let out. I try to catch the food being pushed in, learning that it seems automated. Does anybody remember that I’m even in here?

These must be the kennels.

I punch the wall with my new arms until they are turned off. No warning, but as soon as I back away they turn on again. I look around for a camera, but can’t find one anywhere. I approach the door again, not even managing to swing my arm again before it is powered off. They can see me.

Soon, I begin entertaining myself by seeing how much I can get away with. The number of empty paper trays in the corner begins to pile up to the point that I lose count. I tear some up, making little patterns on the floor. As I finish up making a flower, I feel something stab into me from my arm sockets, as a cold feeling spreads through me. They put something in my arms.

I feel weak, as my legs collapse beneath me. The door makes a whirring noise, swinging open as somebody steps in. I recognized her face from somewhere. Her hair was well trimmed, black and shoulder-length. She wore an Imperial uniform, stained with oil and other fluids. She looks down at me with a combination of anger and pity. “Hello, Elara Callisto. My name is Thalia Hail.”

Oh. Maxine’s sister. I sit in front of her, looking up at the woman. “Sorry.”

Thalia looks angry at the words, before kicking me in the stomach. I feel my last meal churn as I look up at her, tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I can’t get up, as I crawl away from her.”

“You don’t get to apologize, rebel. My parents are dead because of you. My sister died trying to fight you. They died at your hands, Elara.” She crouched down, swinging her fist at my face.

I coughed up blood, crying while remembering Maxine. “I- I’m sorry,” I cried out. I tried to choke out an explanation, before being interrupted by another swing.

“Every moment you spend here is better than you deserve! You killed so many, robbed me of my family! Why them? You call yourself a ‘pacifist’, but you just let your stupid dog kill everybody else! Why did you hate them so much that you didn’t even let them be killed by your little monster?” She continued beating Elara, letting a few tears fall as she bruised her fists on Elara’s flesh.

“M. Mistake. It was a m-” I sputtered out between strikes, trying to raise my hands to shield myself. She knocked them away, standing and kicking me in the head.

“You killed my family by mistake? You stole their weapons and used them to kill even more by mistake? Why are they dead when you’re still alive? Any normal person who kills hundreds by mistake doesn’t deserve a life!” Thalia continued kicking until her leg was too tired, kept punching until her arms were sore. Elara laid there, silently sobbing on the floor, bloodied.

Thalia stepped out of the room, as the door began to close behind her. “I hope you rot in here, Callisto.”

My food tasted different after that day. Everything spread that same cold feeling through my body, and I felt weak after eating it. I couldn’t bring myself not to finish every last bite still, and my body yearned for more once I had finished my meal. I drooled in response to hearing the tray be pushed through, and the lights in the room felt like they got brighter every bite I took.

What felt like weeks passed before the door creaked open again, two figures walking in this time. Their faces looked like static, and they stayed silent as they approached. I couldn’t bring myself to stand, as they grabbed my arms and carried me out. I was placed in a chair, tied down with belts and my eyes forced open. They placed something over my head, as I did my best to struggle against the leather restraints. I felt a syringe pierce my neck.

Soon the stars were singing again, as a new sensation flooded through my body. I felt warm, not quite able to tell where my skin ended and the air began. I couldn’t tell if the lights flooding my mind were from the drugs or the device on my head, but it rattled me all the same. I thought of Pyralis, her warm embrace, rumbling through me as I lost my mind. Sunshine. She felt intoxicated, the lights pushing on some part in the back of her psyche she was only barely aware of.

===

I eventually begin to settle into a rhythm. The food tastes the same every day, laced with that same cold, addictive drug. It hurts to eat sometimes, pushing myself to take another bite of the food that I feel slowly searing through my soul. It feels like a daily routine now, where they take me away to break me. They pump the sunlight into my veins, making me feel warm and lost, burning away any sense of self I can still find. I swear I can hear voices sometimes, but can’t see anything but stars, burning their beauty into my retinas.

After that first session, they started adding that cold drug into the slurry they pumped her with, and the lights started to hurt. The warm comfort of the sunshine turned into searing pain as it mixed with the cold feeling that spread through her. She missed the calm of the previous days, her paper flowers twisted into unrecognizable shape, until the floor of her room was speckled with scraps of paper. It was all gone after every one of her sessions, leaving her to curl up under the thin sheet she was given.

Thalia came to visit sometimes, usually to abuse me until she heard something crack. After her second visit, I had laid still and taken the punishment, to her annoyance. I didn’t mean to kill them. It was a mistake. I was a mistake. I was happy to see her sometimes, because they’d take out the cold liquid from the next days torture. I began thanking her for the beatings.

“Disgusting.” She spat on me when she heard me murmuring “Thank you” under my breath after each strike. I deserved this. She deserved to do this to me. She was owed this. It was only fair.

Sometimes Thalia didn’t beat me. She just sat in a corner of the room, watching me. She listened to me talk, listened to my regrets. I wanted to comfort her. I had taken everything from her.

Today was a quiet day. Thalia was sitting in the corner, watching as I moved little shreds of cardboard across the floor, making a little sun. I broke the silence. “I’m losing it, aren’t I?”

Thalia nodded, still glaring at her.

“I still remember our conversation, you know. I mean, my conversation with Maxine.” Thalia shifted place.

“Don’t say her name.”

I nodded, pausing before going on. “She talked a lot about you. Her engineer sister. She hoped that we would never meet. She wanted you to move on, give up. She knew you were working on a heart for her, and was sorry that she couldn’t have been there when it was finished.”

Thalia was tearing up, staring into my eyes. “I finished it, you know. A month after you killed her. I begged her not to go. But you. You kept fighting, kept beating us. She couldn’t avoid the sight of you in every single mission report, your casualties only growing.” She was almost growling now, balling up her fists as she stood.

“You really don’t get why they call this place the kennel, do you? It’s because it’s where they train dogs like you.” She looked terrifying, a grin plastered on her face. I started backing away as she approached. “You aren’t a dog yet, are you? But you still love the attention. I see the way you stare at me. The way you look so excited to see me every time, even when the only thing I ever do is beat your stupid brains out, and you’re happy to see me.”

I was backed into a corner, as she leaned over me. “Now? You’re nothing but a husk of what you were. You’re nothing, a thing to be broken and used. You’d love that, wouldn’t you? To be used? To be broken like you broke so many others?” I shook my head, as she continued to stare daggers into me. I wasn’t a dog. I was a person. It wasn’t my fault.

Staring up at her, I could see her face shining, the glow beaming down onto me, as I baked beneath her radiance. “N-No, Tha-” She slapped me before I could finish.

“You don’t get to say my name, mutt.” The word echoed through my head. I wasn’t a bad dog. I wasn’t a dog. She smiled as she spoke. “Call me Miss. Miss Hail.”

I nodded, afraid of being struck again. My cheek stung, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was shining like a star, just thinking about her touch sent waves through my body. Her hair looked like beams of light extending from her head, her hard face piercing through my soul. “Yes Miss. Yes Miss hail.”

She gave a beautiful looking grin as I submitted, cowering in the corner. “Good girl.” Her words washed over me, crashing into that part of my mind that I couldn’t quite reach. It felt wonderful. Was this how Pyr felt? “Now, you’re going to thank me for every little thing I do to do, and I want you to mean it. If I think you’re lying, I’m going to have to punish you.”

I nodded. She was going to break me. That didn’t seem so scary now. She was a star, and I was nothing but meat for her to play with. This was right.

Miss Hail stepped back into the center of the room, before giving me a cold stare. “What are you waiting for? Kneel for me, mutt.” The words hit me like a sack of bricks again. I wasn’t a mutt. I would behave. I began to stand, before she growled, “Crawl.” I let out a few tears, making my way over to kneel in front of her. I looked up for her approval, seeing her disappointed face. I felt something warm spread through me, she’d injected me again.

“You took far too long for such a simple command, Ellie.” She sounded upset. I wanted to say sorry, but the pet name threw me off.

It reminded me of Pyralis. Thalia wasn’t my friend, I wasn’t her dog.

She kicked me in the head, knocking me to the floor. “Don’t forget to thank me, mutt.” I quickly crawled back in front of her, kneeling as I said “Thank you, Miss.”

“Good dog, Ellie. Maybe they’ll make a fine hound of you yet.” She chuckled to herself. “You haven’t even met the Handler yet, you poor thing.”

Handler. I had heard the name a few times, usually in the halls as I was moved to my daily punishments. The name scared me for some reason, as I involuntarily let out a whimper.

“Oh, you recognize that name, do you? She’s much bigger and scarier than me, mutt. You’ll love her.” She continued giving that horrible smile at me. I hated her. I wanted to hide under my sheet. Hail punched me in the head, as I fell to the floor again.

“Thank you, Miss.” I quickly got back into position, looking down at the ground.

“Eyes on me, Ellie.” My head shot up to look at her. “You didn’t sound like you really appreciated that last punch, mutt. Do you not like my gifts?” She sounded angry, as I cowered back in fear.

I had to mean it. I loved her. She would be happy if I loved her. “I-I love your gifts, Miss Hail! Please! I love you!” I barely thought as the last words slipped out of my mouth. I hadn’t said those words to anybody but Pyralis since I left home.

Hail cackled as I begged for forgiveness. “You love me, do you? Show me how much you love me, Ellie. Strip.” She looked at me impatiently.

It was okay to strip for her, right? I loved her. She gave me gifts. I removed the old and torn shirt I had on, before slipping out of my worn shorts. I had nothing underneath, my undergarments having been taken from me before I’d even woken up. The air on my skin felt freeing, as I went back to kneeling in front of her. My knees hurt, but she looked so happy.

“Good dog.” She nodded, before pulling out a matchbox at her side. “Now, dogs don’t wear clothes, do they? Burn them. She threw the box into my hands.”

The clothes were the only thing besides the little sheet I was given that staved off the cold, but she was right. Dogs didn’t need clothes, did they? I struck a match, tossing it onto the dirty clothes. It lit up, as she held out her hand expectantly. I returned the matchbox to her. “Thank you, Miss.”

As the clothes burned next to me, she stowed the matches. She pulled out a cigarette. Did she smoke? “For the record, mutt, I hate these things. This one’s for you.” She lit it on the fire, before taking a long drag. Miss Hail grabbed me by the chin, before pressing her lips to mine. She shoved her tongue into my mouth, before breathing out the smoke into my mouth. I tried pulling away, as she gripped me tighter.

While I held my breath, she used her tongue to explore my mouth. Eventually, I ran out of oxygen, breathing in the horrible smoke. She let me go as I coughed, collapsing to the floor. “T. Thank you, Miss.”

“Don’t thank me yet, mutt. Open wide. You’re going to swallow this, or I’m going to make you eat the whole pack.” She held the lit cigarette up, as I climbed back to my knees and opened my mouth. “Tongue out, dog.”

My tongue lolled out of my mouth, as she put out the cigarette on it. It hurt like hell, and I let out a guttural whimper. She dropped the cigarette on my tongue, as I put it back into my mouth.

“Swallow.”

I didn’t want to, the taste of the ash on my tongue made me want to hurl. But she would be so sad that I rejected her gift, I couldn’t disappoint her. I chewed a bit on the cigarette, the taste of tar coating my mouth, before I swallowed the horrid thing. “Thank you, Miss.”

“Dog, ashtray, and a garbage can. Such a useful little thing.” I felt my heart light up at the praise, as I let out a bark in response. “Good dog.” She reached into her pocket for something, as I continued staring at her. The light had only grown brighter as she continued to give me gifts, her love shining down on me.

I was basking in her love as I noticed what she had taken out. “Let’s see what else you can do, hm?” She was holding a double-edged knife, long and well-kept, it shone in her presence. “Open back up, mutt.”

What was she going to do with that? I hesitated, looking at her scared. She pressed the tip of it to my lips. “Open up, or I’m shoving it in.” I let out a high pitched whine, before slowly opening my mouth. “Lick it. Cover it in as much of your saliva as you can, mutt.” I began to slowly lick, coating one side of the knife as carefully as I could. I felt the blade of the knife press into my tongue, unsure if it was slicing through. She flipped the blade, and I repeated the process on the other side. “Good dog, now get on your back.”

I quickly took the opportunity to get my face as far away from the knife as possible, laying down with my legs pointing her direction. I did my best to hold still.

“Spread your legs, pup.”

She wouldn’t do this, right? This was to scare her. She was a good dog. Good dogs didn’t need punishments.

“I said spread your damn legs,” she repeated angrily.

I began to slowly part my legs, and she kicked me in the crotch. My artificial pain receptors went off, as I spread my legs as wide as possible for her.

“I was going to be nice, but because clearly you don’t know how to behave, we’ll have to make this a punishment.” She sat on the ground, as I felt something press to my artificial pubic area. Hail ran the blade across its surface, giggling as she felt the synthetic skin depress against the blade. I stayed as still as a statue, whimpering at the pressure.

As the knife was moved off of my skin, I let out a little sigh of relief. I looked at Miss Hail, who had a grin on her face, still holding the knife. “Be a good girl for me, and I’ll give you a reward after this.” She plunged the blade into my artificial vagina, the pain shooting through my entire being as I screamed out. I felt the blade scrape against the metal in my crotch as she pushed the blade in and out. Worst of all, I felt myself growing aroused, liquid pooling between my legs.

She stopped assaulting my insides for a moment, touching the liquid with her fingers before giving it a taste. “You taste so sweet, pup.” She got up, leaving the knife between the lips of my pussy. “Be a good girl and keep that in there until I get back, I’ll go grab your reward.

The door slipped open, as she left. It felt like an eternity, as I felt the blade stuck in my crotch. I let out a whine, as I heard the door whir again. Hail walked back in, followed by a figure I’d never seen before, but immediately recognized.

Handler.